Just A Kiss

Lunch with Shy Guy finally happened.

We ate lunch and then talked for a good hour after. Granted, it was mostly surface level things, but that’s to be expected after two years. He dropped me off and walked me to the door and that was that.

I did notice that although maybe he still hasn’t gone too deep into his character, he was definitely more talkative and told more stories this time around (something he really didn’t do at all before).

While he may not be very talkative, the boy sure does listen and remember. I think that since he’s more of a quiet guy, he just knows how to listen and pay attention really well because he remembered even little things I had said from so long ago.

I texted him after saying thanks again and he asked what I was doing that night. Around 8:30 pm we tentatively planned on going to a movie, and then of course he texted me at 11:30. Since he takes awhile to respond to texts, by the time it got to the point where we would’ve hung out, it was 12:30 in the morning. I kindly told him I would love to, but I’m trying not to hang out late with people and that I was about to fall asleep. He said to go to sleep and we’d talk tomorrow (seriously, I’m getting so much better at this game!).

The next day I told him I was planning on going to a drive-in movie with the girls that he could come to (didn’t happen because of the weather), or we could hang out before then, which he agreed to. He came over and we sat on opposite couches for awhile and talked, ate some food, and then proceeded to the pillow fight/tickle fests of old (typical guy strategy). After about an hour of that (hey, I can only take so much sexual tension), I made a cheesy kissy face and we started kissing.

The whole situation with Shy Guy is so interesting to me because how many times do you get a second chance to start over with someone from your past when one or both of you messed it up before? Especially when it could’ve been a good thing, and I had regrets about it playing out wrong after realizing that I had a big part in that.

This time I held strong and the kissing only started a half hour before he had to leave, so it ended before it began.

The thing I noticed this time around that fooled me before, is that the way that Shy Guy kisses is the type of kissing you do when you’re in a relationship with someone. The forehead and cheek kisses, the arm rubbing, etc., all indicate a different type of feeling. Before, I thought this meant it was going somewhere but this time I’m weary.

The other thing I realized while analyzing the situation is that even though the type of kissing was that way, the feelings behind it weren’t there (yet anyways).

I can’t help but compare it to The Fighter, where there was so much feeling behind it, and the emotional attachment was so strong. The kiss can be as good as the next, but without the feelings behind it? Definitely doesn’t mean as much.

Shy Guy is the first person I’ve kissed besides The Figher since last November. Kind-of a big step in moving on I feel like.

I’m gonna try my little heart out to make things different this time. Operation try and get him to open up, and see if there could be more. There are a couple other prospects so I’m not sure if I want to be on complete lockdown just yet, but I’m going to at least give it a shot, have more ground rules, and a lot more self respect this time.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch in the fire burning so bright
And I don’t want to mess this thing up
I don’t want to push too far

So baby I’m alright, oh, let’s do this right, with just a kiss goodnight
Lady A

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