I just can’t live a lie

It’s funny how songs can have such a strong memory attached to them, so much so that it hurts to hear it, and then listening to it again you realize it can take on new meaning. This happened to me with this song the other night. Such a painful attachment to it, but then listening to it, I heard it in a whole new light.

I think I’m falling for the boy dang it.

Shy Guy, that is.

I don’t want to be, but when he didn’t text me for two days in a row, boy did I feel it.

I thought the whole thing was over. Thought that he got spooked because either I was getting too attached, he was getting too attached, or something I said or did.

Insert what I like to call “the crazy.”

Every girl has one. It’s that psycho part of you that wants to text or call the guy constantly, ask him what’s wrong or why he’s acting a certain way, define the relationship (aka DTR) or call everything off, and just generally freak out over any little thing.

I hate “the crazy.” She’s such downer (and can also be made completely worse when coupled by that ever awful time-of-the month). I hate feeling like that and feeling like I have no control. It’s no fun when “the crazy” takes over.

Now that I’m feeling better (ok and also since he’s texted me), I feel like I’m in a much better place to sort things out.

It does seem like he pulled back for a little bit there. I do want to know what does or could potentially scare him away. And I have realized that I think I care more than I’m trying to let on.

It’s a tricky game with this one. His personality is so different from most guys I’ve ever hung out with and it’s hard for me (more on this in an upcoming post) to figure him out and try to know what he wants out of this (see also: I don’t know and it’s slowly killing me).

Basically we probably need to talk about it but there’s a fine line being having a DTR (defining the relationship) talk and scaring him away for good. 

I want this one to work. It’s hard to even admit to myself that I like him or that I feel slightly more invested than I want to let on because if it blows up in my face… it would be far worse to actually have cared.

Oh, I know I could say we’re through
And tell myself I’m over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I’d fail cause I, I just can’t live a lie

-Carrie Underwood

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2 Responses to I just can’t live a lie

  1. lifeandothermisadventures says:

    Oh, I hate when that happens! It’s so frustrating, but you can’t help it.

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