I finally told The Fighter about Shy Guy last night, in what ended up being a five hour long phone call. Yeah, real
miserable tired right about now.
Fighter originally texted me, starting with small talk and then asking if there’s a lucky guy he should know about that he needs to beat up. I told him there might be (a guy- not one he should beat up) but I’m not sure what it is yet. We then decided to take it to a phone call.
The talk was really good and we talked a lot about how we’ve improved ourselves and how each other has helped to do that. He really did change my life for the better and I feel and hope that I have his.
When discussing Shy Guy, I joked that The Figher was sounding like my dad. He kept asking questions to try and make sure he’s a good guy, treats me right, tells me I’m beautiful, opens doors, etc. He was weary about a couple things (namely Shy Guy’s communication, potential white lies, and me possibly getting my heart broken- join the frickin club) but overall was happy for me. He mentioned (and I already knew) that he was a little bit jealous and wanted to steal me away.
He then asked me: if we were to hang out right now would I would kiss him?
I told him that no, I wouldn’t.
I think he was a little shocked and maybe even slightly hurt under the surface. I think he just expected that I would always want him, or maybe even expected to have me as a fallback. He said he was impressed though and that he’d never want to come between anything.
Despite saying that though, he wanted to see me last night and tonight but I told him I just don’t know how I feel about it. He said he just wanted to hug me and hang out but I honestly don’t know if I can trust him and his lack of self-control in doing ONLY that. He called me this morning, texted me, and then said to call him if I get bored. This is a lot more effort than he put in before. Although I definitely care about him and like talking to him, it all seems like a desperate attempt to try and change my mind, and a trap that I don’t want to fall in to.
I told Fighter before that this is what would happen if we stopped dating. If he truly didn’t want me to get too attached, I would have to get over him and move on. To someone else.
I have told my friends and him last night, that in relation to Shy Guy- yeah I don’t know where it stands, but at this point it almost doesn’t matter to me. I almost (a really big almost at this point) don’t care if he’s hanging out with or talking to other girls at the moment, so long as I’m being my best self. I no longer want to deal with or kiss multiple guys at the same time so even if I get burned if Shy Guy’s not doing the same thing, at least on my side I’ve dealt with things personally in a healthy way.
Yes, I really need to talk to Shy Guy and see what’s going on (how do people even go about doing that?? terrifying). So many little things about it are getting to me and I’m not sure how he feels, but in the end, it’s Shy Guy that I would want right now. It was a weird feeling talking to The Fighter and realizing that even though our communication is on point, he’s not what I want.
Now, to somehow to talk to Shy Guy before all of this starts unraveling or blows up in my face.
I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again
-Randy Travis (and Carrie Underwood too of course)