I keep writing posts about certain things, but then they don’t seem big enough on their own to devote an entire post to so I either don’t finish or don’t publish them.
Truth is, in real life, I’m a very private person. (Ie: my Facebook and Twitter are still private and I never add people I don’t know). My circle of friends (5 other girls) are the people that know the most about me and even then, most times they don’t know full details.
As a classically shy person when I was younger, it’s hard for me to open up to and talk to people that I don’t know. People always comment on how “quiet” I am, and I’m aware of that. I have a quiet voice/personality but I’m not necessarily a shy person, just quiet until I know you. It just takes time for me to be comfortable, and I like to observe my surroundings and people. Because I know that I’m like this though, I do try to make a conscious effort to even speak up and talk to people. Within my group of friends I’m perfectly fine and apparently they like me and think I’m funny enough to keep me around (even though I always wonder why they do), but my friends are all pretty loud people. I’m fine around them because they know me, but with new people I do a lot better in one-on-one settings of getting to know someone. It’s hard for me to stand out in a group of more than 2 or 3 people, and truly open up to people period.
Anyways, that was a long-winded way of saying: it’s hard for me to open up on here and spill my guts when this blog isn’t private and I don’t really know you guys (even though I feel like I do). I hate private blogs so I’d probably never do that, but it’s more the fact that I have no control over who reads what I say or if it ended up being someone that knows me. I still continue to read your blogs though (perfect example of me being an observer) so don’t think that all is lost.
That being said as my disclaimer as to “why I suck at blogging,” here is an update of what’s going on in life right now.
- Me and three of my friends went on a week-long cruise to Cabo San Lucas and Puerto Vallarta a month ago. It was my first cruise and it was so fun! Cruises are definitely a good way to travel. (Also secretly when I was writing down things on New Years that I wanted to do this year, going on a cruise was one of them!)
- Fun fact about the cruise: I hadn’t kissed a white guy in at least 5 years and definitely broke the white guy drought. Realized I wasn’t missing much, but at least I’ve still got it. Good times.
- I’ve been feeling overall blah on life lately. I don’t know where to live, if I should move to a different city, where to work, what to do with my life, and being single is getting really really old. I just want to get married as a get-out-of-jail free card so I don’t have to make any life decisions for myself any more.
- I’ve worked at my current job for 7 years. Think about that people, I started working here when I was 19. 2 years in the call center and 5 in the retail store. I have insurance, benefits, a 401K, gym membership, free products, yearly health screenings, and get paid pretty decently to mostly sit here until someone comes in. I’m so blessed and grateful to have this job and work at this amazing company. It’s a pretty nice set-up but like I said, I’ve just been feeling the need for something more lately. The internal battle between comfortable and a new challene rages on because I don’t usually like change.
- In my job search quest, I’ve come across a huge problem. I don’t know what “career” I want to have or what I want to do with my life. My degree was in psychology and I feel like it’s so broad and not a marketable direct skill. Should I go the human resource route, work with troubled teens, get into banking or something medical related? Work at a law office somehow? I don’t even know! I don’t necessarily want to be a psychologist or anything like that, more-so just want to apply my degree to a promising field. The question is just which one.
- That said, I’ve had a couple interviews and second interviews, and on Tuesday I have a (second) “paid working interview” at a high end dentist office. I like the idea of doing medical billing and coding so we’ll see how that goes, and if it goes well also see if I’m ready to make the jump. It’s a hard balance of feeling confident and not getting my hopes up.
- The only guy I’ve been hanging out with is leaving in a couple weeks for a long time and I won’t have contact. I’ve thought about writing a post about him, but it seems kinda pointless if he’s not even a real option (although he could be if he was staying). Maybe I will because it’s actually a funny story (and because I have the draft still), but maybe I won’t if I continue to suck at blogging haha.
- Even though he’s the only one I’m actually seeing on a regular basis, I feel like I’m constantly trying to work plans and talk to new people and they just never work out. How is it so easy for regular people to even meet people, let alone date and marry these people?? And where are people hiding period? It’s seriously beyond me.
- School, work, or living situation. I feel like I have to change one of those things to be able to meet new people. I feel stuck in a rut and like I just want a whole new playing field and change of scenery. One of them has to change soon enough right? I’m determined to not just coast by and to make good things happen.
Obviously I’m having a quarter-life crisis and I apologize for my scatter-brained thoughts. Does anyone want to just decide my life for me? Seriously though, let me know.
There’s gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time I need a little more bliss
I’m gonna take my chances
Take any chance I might
Find what I’m looking for
There’s gotta be something more