No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem

Since this song talks about the islands, I figured it’s the closest song possible to introduce a new player to the game.

Enter: The Hawaiian.

This is a guy that I honestly didn’t think anything would come from.

The first night that I saw him, we were at a local restaurant that had just started karaoke nights. I hadn’t seen him in the audience until he got up and sang “My Girl” (how adorable is that?) and I told my girls that I thought he was cute. One of my friends wrote a note as a joke that said something like “I’ll be your girl 🙂 (name and phone number)” and then another friend passed it over to him. My back was to him and I was too embarrassed to turn around, and then he left shortly after that.

I wasn’t expecting anything with this one, but he called two days later and asked me out.

That first night we met was his birthday. Anyone wanna guess how young old he turned?? The whopping age of 22. Half Hawaiian/half white. From Hawaii. Not as experienced with girls as I’m used to but is genuinely a really good guy.

The first date, he had joked that we should make a snowman (yeah kinda nerdy) but then he remembered that his uncle and other relatives were having a b-day part for all the January birthdays (4 total), and he invited me to go with him as his date. First date, practically a blind date, and meeting the extended fam = freaking out Country Girl.

That night actually ended up being really fun and seeing him play with all the little kids (the little girl cousins in particular adored him and were loving me too) kinda made me melt. Everyone was really nice, we had a good time, and drove home. When he was dropping me off he said that we’d have to make that snowman still, and I thought I’d never hear from him again.

That was a Friday. On Monday, he called to tell me the “bad news,” that it wasn’t supposed to snow all week.

We discussed how we would both be at karaoke again the following day so we’d see each other there .

At karaoke nights, they (randomly) offer free limo rides around the block so he suggested we do that, and even though his roommates came, I liked that he took the initiative. He also set up another date for that weekend again.

This time it was a “picnic” up the canyon. Even though this winter has been pretty mild thankthegoodheavens and the sun was out, it was still freezing and the wind was really cold. Walking up to the spot where we ate was pretty treacherous on ice- in flats mind you- but once we got to the spot it was really pretty. We were secluded looking out at the sun hitting the snow on the meadow. We ate and talked and then he asked if he could kiss me.

After awhile of that (and the death walk back), we went back to my apartment and just laid there and talked and laughed. It was then that I realized that I felt really comfortable with him, just like I had with The Fighter. It felt comfortable in his arms and I felt like I could completely be myself and he would still like it.

The ex-player in me started freaking out after he left (which is always when that flares up, after they leave) because it seems like he really likes me and I was worried that kissing him made it worse.

I don’t know if I’m ready to jump in to dating someone officially right now with Shy Guy still somewhat in the mix. I haven’t seen him since that last time when we had the talk, but we still talk occasionally. Liking someone besides him and giving him up without closure is a hard thought.

Despite the freakouts, I can tell that from both ends, Hawaiian isn’t going anywhere any time soon. I’m trying to cling to the positive things and get through this stage because he’s such a good guy with a lot of potential. 

Funny how I’m 26 and finally meet a guy that basically has everything I would want, and then I freak out because it’s so perfect. Too good to be true. I can’t possibly be ready even though this is what I’ve wanted for so long.

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I Ain’t Settlin’

This song used to be (and still is I guess) a personal mantra and I’ve always been determined not to “settle” for dating or marrying someone that I feel is less than I think that I deserve. [Probably why I’m still single but whatevs.]

This leads me to a situation I’ve gotta get off my chest.

It pains me inside when I see girls settling for losers just because they think they can’t do better and think that’s the best they’ll get. Because they think that no other guy would like them. Because they’re desperate. Because they’re too emotionally attached to get out.

One of my current roommates is in this predicament (in my opinion), and I’m not quite sure how to act about it.

When she first started dating him, she said she just wanted to date him to get to know him and for the fun, but didn’t think she could ever marry him.

After a little while when she asked me my thoughts on him, I told her that honestly, I thought she could do better. Her response? “Well if the past 5 years (of not dating anyone) have proven anything I obviously can’t.” Sounds like settling, no?

Now they’ve dated for over a year and she’s convinced herself to like him enough to marry him. I don’t doubt that she does love him to an extent now, but in my psychology opinion I think she’s convinced herself this far.

When a former roommate of ours (Editor) asked her why she liked him, she said he’s hilarious and a good communicator (which I also doubt)… and that was it. He still has a lot of schooling ahead of him and works as a TA while she works two part-time jobs and has a lot of debt. He’s made comments about her weight multiple times. There’s deeper problems than I’ll even go into, but basically I think they’re up against a lot of issues and potential heartbreak. I’m around them all the time and their relationship just seems very surface-level. It seems like my roommate thinks that just because they’ve dated for a year and she “loves” him, that means they should get married and that it’ll be perfect.

Editor has a classic analogy that we love: If you’re going to buy a car, you want to get the best deal possible BEFORE you commit to buying it. You want to know how it runs, anything that’s wrong with it from the start, good and bad, to be able to make a smart and informed decision. Some things you can sacrifice on, others you can’t. If you ignore potential problems, it’s gonna land you on the side of the road and a lot of repairs that may outweigh cost.

I feel like for my roommate, there should be a lot of blaring neon (neon moon- couldn’t help it) warning signs and she’s either too blind to see them, is choosing to ignore them, or both. From that same Oprah show I talked about in a previous post, she said that if there’s warning signs and you’re ingnoring them, it’s because you don’t want to do anything to change the situation. I feel like this is exactly what’s going on here.

My personal internal debate has been that I want to tell her so bad, the legitimate problems I see and just talk it through. Not even try to convince her not to do it, because I think it’s past that point and she’s too far gone. I would more just want to have an honest conversation and tell her how I really feel. Maybe shed light on potential problems so that she can think those through.

Our other roommate that just got married, had dated the guy for a year and their relationship was completely different. No problems there and I was so so happy for her. It’s not about jealousy or even the fact that I don’t like him, it’s that I feel like she’s walking into a ticking time bomb.

It’s hard for me to pretend to be happy for her and pretend to like him when I’m not and I don’t. It makes me feel like I’m a fake person to do that anyone- even a compliment about singing or attire, etc- let alone to my good friend and roommate. Instead I just either don’t say anything, or keep responses very short. I’m pretty sure she knows how I feel, and doesn’t want the honesty because it contradicts her fantasy world life that she’s built up.

People close to her all tippy-toe around this situation in her presence, but I know how they really feel. People don’t like being honest, but for me, it’s hard NOT to be honest and to keep it to myself.

Truth be told, I really just love her and want the best for her. If she’s happy with him and feels it right, then fine I will support her. I really do hope that for her sake it works out and that they can make it work. If it doesn’t, she’s the one that’s gonna take the hard hit and I would be there for her to help pick up the pieces.

Does anyone have experience with this? Am I way off base and I should just leave it alone? Should I be looking for an opportunity to try and gently talk to her about it because I love her, or is it best to just keep it in and try to act happy for her no matter how hard it is?

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You shouldn’t kiss me like this

I FINALLY had “the talk” with Shy Guy.

Things had kinda been fizzling down and he hadn’t been texting or wanting to hang out as much, yet everytime we do it’s amazing, and when he does text or chat me, he would say that he misses me and called me sweetheart. A little confusing right?

I knew that I could lure him with the fact that my roommates were gone for the holidays, and knew that I HAD to have the talk with him this time. I couldn’t keep doing it, the whole feels-like-we’re-dating-and-then-weeks-go-by thing was getting really old. This has been building for at least two months and it was driving me insane. It was do or die this time and the impending pressure and nervousness of knowing I had to do it was awful.

How do you bring up something like this, was the question I kept asking friends. I wasn’t scared of what the answer would be because I’d rather just know either way, I was more scared about how to bring it up with him. He has such a unique personality that I’m not used to at all and I knew if I went about it wrong, he would feel attacked and would resort to saying sorry, feeling guilty, and feeling like I hated him. In normal situations with people who say how they feel, it’d be easy and I would just ask. Shy Guy is totally different and I had to be very careful.

I didn’t want to say the usual cliches that make guys terrified, “what are we?” “what is this?” “where do you want this to go?” and didn’t want to sound presumptuous that we  were anything to begin with no matter how much it felt like it.

He came over around 11:30 at night as usual, and everything was perfectly normal. We were talking, laughing, and kissing all cutely (idk if that’s a word but just go with it) for a good hour or so. I had picked up a jacket of a specific brand of clothing he likes for a good price and gave it to him (not originally purchased as a Christmas present but whatever, nice timing). We talked more and then went into the kitchen to get a drink. The lights were off and we were hugging and naturally started kissing.

I wish he wasn’t such a good kisser. The way that he kisses is so different from other guys and feels like it’s deeper and that there’s meaning behind it. It makes me melt and just want to love him even more.

I obviously had thought long and hard about how to bring up the topic, and knew that it was go time. I HAD to say something before he left back to work (which he had actually said he needed to get back) but I had been waiting for the right time. I kept kissing him on purpose, and while we were kissing, the song of this posts’ title came into my mind, “you shouldn’t kiss me like this, unless you mean it like that… then I’ll just close my eyes, and I won’t know where I’m at…” I thought about just saying that to him right then. “No, (I thought to myself) maybe I could start by saying it another way… maybe if I said… NO just go with the song!”

I pulled back and started off tentatively, “… So there’s this country song… that says “you shouldn’t kiss me like this, unless you mean it like that.”

He paused for a moment and then nervously said “I know I shouldn’t be and I’m not ready, but I know we can’t keep doing this… I should probably listen to the song though huh?”

I told him that he should and he asked who sings it (Toby Keith for the record, props if you knew!) and then I just straight up said “it’s totally fine if you’re not ready, it’s just hard for me to hang out with you like this and then not see you for two weeks because I kinnnda like (bringing up my hand to do the motion) just a little bit.”

He offered up a crooked little smile and said “Oh just a little huh?” He then tried to explain himself. “I haven’t dated anyone seriously for a year and a half… and I know I should be focusing on that and not just kiss you like this. I just keep focusing on everything but that and I just don’t feel ready. I need to work on it and I’m trying to.. it’s just… I thought I was ready.”

I asked him why he thought he wasn’t, if it was because he was scared of the commitment of it, scared it wouldn’t work out, etc and he said it was a combination of all of it. I asked if he was scared of getting heartbroken and he said that he used to be, but not so much now. I told him that it was fine and that I wasn’t necessarily asking for me (total lie) but I just wanted to know where he was at with girls and dating in general (truth). He said that when it gets to the point of getting close with someone he gets nervous and second guesses himself. I definitely called this part of it. Shy Guy does NOT like opening up or talking about deeper issues, and it’s hard for him to make even small decisions, let alone something like this.

We talked about it more, and as I expected, at this point I could tell that he felt really bad. He was looking down at the ground and just seemed downtrodden (poor guy). I lifted his head with my hands to look him in the eyes and said “(nickname)! It’s ok! You don’t need to worry about it I promise, it’s fine. When you’re ready you’ll be ready and whoever is there will be really lucky.” I joked that I would be there waiting at the back of the line, he said that he just felt bad and that I would need to be patient with him. <—- That part was kinda weird because that sounds like present tense… no?

We talked a little more and then towards the end I said that just so he knows, I would be patient, it’s totally fine, and we can still be friends and hang out. He thanked me and I think felt a little relieved. I felt relieved that I finally said it and finally knew where he stands.

On my end, it’s not the end of the world if we don’t date. I would love nothing more than to date him, but if he’s not ready right now then that’s fine and there will be other people. I’m just glad to know.

At that point it was actually funny because we had been kissing a little in between but then it just turned into a full on hot makeout sesh where it seemed like we both were like “Well? Screw it, might as well make it hot while we can!” He left back to work after awhile of that and texted me the next day thanking me again for the jacket.

My friend The Editor said that now I should just wait for him to make any contact, which I think was very good advice. If he wants to then he will, and otherwise I should try and not get too into worrying about it. I’ve done good so far and he texted me on Christmas, and chatted me just earlier today saying happy new year (happy new year everyone!!) and that he’d have to tell me this crazy story about work. It kinda hurt my heart a little talking to him because I really do like him a lot and just wish he would love me!

Alas, that is where it stands for now. I still wish that something will happen or that he’ll magically just realize what he’s missing and want to TRY and date, but I’m not banking on it.  At least for now I know where he stands, and he knows where I stand.

They’re all watchin’ us now
They think we’re falling in love
They’d never believe we’re just friends
When you kiss me like this
I think you mean it like that
And if you do baby kiss me again

-Toby Keith

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I Saw The Light

I’m back lovelies!

Finals are “finally” over (get it, get it?) and so is school, praise the heavens. For now anyways… but we won’t think about that yet and just relish in the moment. <insert sigh of relief>

Last night I went to my mom’s house to just hang out and veg since I haven’t seen her in awhile and finally have the free time.

Something that my mom and I have always shared is our love for Oprah (cue the eye rolls I’m sure, but hey it’s our thing and I love her). Even though the madre doesn’t get the OWN channel, her DVR records some of the episodes of Oprah’s “Lifeclass” so we got caught up on a couple episodes last night and they both were so enlightening and mind blowing that of course I have to discuss it.

You guys. I don’t know why this concept is so new and amazing to me, but it is. Here is the main point she made in one of the episodes:

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

When someone SHOWS you who they are. BELIEVE them. The FIRST time.

If someone is showing you who they are by their actions, believe them, and believe them the first time instead of the 29th time.

If someone TELLS you who they are, believe them even more because nobody knows them better than they know themselves.

She gives examples and clips from different shows that showcase what she is talking about and are so obvious to the outside viewer. In the cases of significant others, if they have shown that they have the potential to hide secrets, treat you horribly, be jealous, etc, believe them. If they say they’re an a-hole or that they’re crazy or weird, believe them.

This concept made me take a serious look at myself, and the people and men in my life. How am I showing or telling people who I am? What are signs that I should be noticing about who guys really are? If I’ve noticed signs, why do I continue to ignore them and figure out the hard way AGAIN who they really are after the 29th time? *

On the flip side, if someone shows you that they’re a good, caring person? Believe them. This hit me pretty hard too because there have been times where I have ignored someone’s good qualities just because of my own past heartaches or superficial reasons.

Obviously there is forgiveness and people can change, but for the most part- if someone shows you who they are, believe them. And believe them sooner rather than later. Recognize people for their good or bad, and get rid of negative influences before they have to repeat who they really are, for you to see it. Such a clear and simple concept, and probably my new mantra.

Here is a link to six clips from this episode in case you’re interested, I found the whole thing completely fascinating, obviously. 🙂

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/When-People-Show-You-Who-They-Are-Believe-Them-Video

*The title of this post comes from Brooks and Dunn’s “Brand New Man” and this song totally just came on Pandora at this point in the post! Pretty sure that means my title was inspired haha and love this song!

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What Matter[s] Most

Ok so as I have admitted before, I love reality shows on tv because even though they’re not technically “reality,” I think it’s interesting to see how real people act in situations like those and I feel like sometimes it can be very telling of real life.

One of my current favorite shows (so glad it’s back) is Tough Love Miami. Judge all you want but I feel like this show has real-life applications and that it’s actually beneficial to the dating world (and my single life). The host of the show is matchmaker Steve Ward, who sets women up on matches, analyzes their actions, tells them what they’re doing wrong and shows them they should be doing to snag a man.

One of the more recent episodes talked about dealbreakers, so I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic lately.

Many of the girls on the show listed characteristics such as height, weight, money, jobs, etc that they didn’t want to compromise with, which were weeding out potential men that they were missing out on.

Of course most women have a list of the “ideal” surface things they would like in a man such as the women on this show had. In a perfect world I would love a man that’s over 6′ (I’m 5’8″), somewhere between 240-280 lbs (I love the big athletic types), that has gone to college, has a job, has a car, never been married, played sports, is dark featured (or just dark ha), loves children (even though I’m terrified of them), and the list can go on and on.

When it all comes down to it though, I would compromise on a lot of those things if the guy was a good guy. Sure I end up hanging out with the bad boys most of the time, but in the end, that’s why I don’t date them. “Good guy” is a very loose term I use to describe guys that are mostly good according to my religion, (which I won’t get into) but it basically is a blanket term that covers a lot of potential dealbreakers.

For me, that is almost the ONE dealbreaker that covers everything that is important to me.

For me, I want someone that believes the same things I do, and it’s not something that I’m willing to compromise on. I don’t feel like I should have to and I won’t.

The Fighter is a perfect example in this case. The fact that he is shorter (probably 5’10”) and smaller (210 lbs) than most of the guys I’ve hung out with? Not a deal breaker. The fact that he had earrings and long hair (which I don’t prefer)? Not a deal breaker. The fact that he has a child? Not even close to a dealbreaker. But the fact that he isn’t “good” by those terms is the one thing that held me back.

There are so many good qualities to him that I wish so badly that it could work. He always thought that I had a problem with his drinking (which I definitely did), and asked over dinner if drinking was the only reason we didn’t date. He was taken aback when I said no and said that it was the blanket problem of his attitude about not wanting to change and be a better person, which covered the drinking, that was the problem.

Shy Guy is a “good guy.” Even though his communication isn’t the best and I can’t figure him out for the life of me, the fact that he is in a better place is more appealing to me. I don’t know if it will even work out with him (it’s kinda leaning towards no I think), but he’s the type of guy in that sense that I want to end up with.

I even casually met a guy a week ago that I personally didn’t find as attractive as either guy I just described (even though he was big and plays football which is hot), but who was a “good guy” and was also 21 (I really can’t win these days on the ages!) He was funny and we had a good time and I’m not sure if anything will happen with him either, but the point is is that I would be willing to sacrifice on things such as looks, age, height, and most little things if they were the type of person that I want to find.

Hopefully this explains things a little more and I understand I might look crazy, but hey that’s my story and I’m stickin to it, and it matters to me (name those songs) (ok just kidding the titles are basically what I just said but props if you know them)! I’m interested in what other peoples’ deal breakers are now though… what are some of yours dear readers? (all three of you haha) Or what did you think was a dealbreaker that you’ve compromised on with someone you’ve ended up with?

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A little bit of life

I apologize for my absence, school is taking over my life. Thus here are some bullet point updates:

  • My birthday was last weekend and I am now 26. Downhill slope to 30. Not sure how I feel about it.
  • Side note- since my birthday is in November, I always feel like I get gypped (yes I just used that word, not sure on the spelling…) because technically starting in January, I’m in my “26’th year” so I feel like I’m always a year ahead and never get to enjoy my actual age. Does anyone else with later birthdays feel this way? No? I’m just weird? Ok.
  • School is trudging along and I finally got everything arranged to graduate in December!!! So happy about this. School in the winter is miserable. So is winter in general, and I’m not looking forward to it.
  • You may be wondering why I’m 26 and just now graduating… (slightly depressing I know) but I’ve worked 30+ hours the whole time, paid for everything myself with no help from my parentals, and am graduating debt-free so I feel pretty good about that.
  • My class just started a mentoring program at a local juvenile school for teens for the next month and I loved it. The kids were so smart, nice, and funny and I was pleasantly surprised. It’s amazing what happens when kids are actually valued and given a voice.
  • Things with Shy Guy are basically the same except we haven’t hung out for a month. It feels like such a roller coaster because when he doesn’t talk to me or the fact that we haven’t hung out, obviously makes it seem like he’s not interested. Yet, he still texts me, chats me, says he misses me (WTF do something about it then!), etc, etc. In his defense, it does sound like his work has been pretty crazy (he works nights and goes to school/sleeps in the day) and he’s been working overtime like it’s his job. Oh wait…
  • It feels like if he’s not wanting to see me (or maybe he does but obviously isn’t making an effort to), then it should be attributed to that little phrase we all know and hate love “he’s just not that into you,” but I feel like something else is going on here. He’s either scared to commit, scared to get close, doesn’t know how to take it to the next level, or something. Maybe it’s me making an “exception to the rule” but why else would he still talk to me (besides to keep me around for his convenience)?
  •  I am a cougar. Every new guy that I meet or think is cute is like 20-23 and I’m ok with it for the most part. There is a current prospect (possibly two) that is 21 but we have yet to hang out. I once kissed (and only kissed) a 17 year old when I was 22… shhh don’t tell… BUT I was lied to because he said he was 18 and definitely did NOT look young (you can never tell with the island boys). But yeah, still get crap from my friends about that one.
  • Last weekend we had a big get-together with my brother and his friends because one of the friends just had a baby. My brother’s friends are my age and two of them are twins. The twins and their family we always have called our cousins. Counting my brother, the cousins, and other friends, FIVE of them are married. I was in a sea of couples but it secretly made me want to find that one person even more. I’m so sick of the dating scene, bad boys, and not being a priority. Family and love is what it’s really all about.
  • My dad has finally started dating again after 15 years. It’s kinda weird in the sense that now he’s talking about women and dates and such, but I’m so happy that he is and I think it’s so cute.
  • The CMAs were fantastic and I love country music so much. I truly don’t understand how people can hate it.
  • I’m already getting excited for the holidays (and yes I’m including black friday) and the break from work and school.
  • I am now about off of work for the night so I’ll just end this mindless chatter now, but there’s a little update. Props to you if you made it through!
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He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar (pt.1)

As I mentioned before, I find it so interesting how different songs can have such strong memories attached to them, whether they are casual, positive, happy, or downright depressing and painful.

**This particular story is my biggest heartbreak to date, and there are so many songs that go along with it. I was a lot younger when this happened, but even today when I hear “Teardrops On My Guitar” (even though it’s slightly cheesy) or any of the songs related to him (there are so so many), the slight twinge of the intense pain I had at that time comes back. At least now I can recognize how far I’ve come. **

I used to have this guy (straight) best friend (BF). Best Friend and I worked together which is how we met, and then quickly began hanging out with our combined groups of friends. He would come over to my apartment all the time (our friendship actually spanned the length of every apartment I’ve lived in during college: 5) and just sit there together, talk, laugh, watch tv, listen to music, go on drives, go out to eat (he would always pay), go shopping, go camping, go to sports games, etc. The inside jokes and funny stories we had always made us laugh even if no one knew what we were talking about. Basically we really were best friends and did everything together. Any time I was going to do something, I knew it would be so much better and so much more fun if he was going to be there.

He was the biggest country music fan there was. Hanging out with him was actually what brought me back to my roots of loving country so much and our tastes in music was exactly the same (his was even MORE twangy than me if you can even imagine). We could talk country, watch videos, browse the “record store” as he called it, and listen to it for hours on end. I loved driving in his truck “out in the country past the city limit sign” (name that song!) listening to his twangy music. I can almost smell his truck if I think about it hard enough, and still find myself unconsciously turning my neck and following with my eyes to see if every maroon Tacoma driving by is his.

Everyone thought that we were dating. All the time we would get comments from friends, roommates, and even strangers and both of us would laugh awkwardly and say that we were just best friends. In the beginning I legitimately thought that it was so nice that we could just be friends and neither one of us liked the other. It was a classic case of him not being my “type” and me not being his, but our personalities connected so easily.

Around the two year mark of our friendship, it was to the point where this was our daily routine: we would text before I got to work, begin emailing back and forth at work once I got there, he would tell me to call him when I got done, I would call, he would say to come over, we would hang out for a couple hours, I would call him on my way home, and we would then continue to talk on the phone for at least a half hour or more. It was basically like we were dating without anything physical.

After at least three months of our relationship being like this (plus the previous two years of this building up), it was around this time that I found myself getting jealous of other girls and hoping something could happen with us. I slowly realized mayyyybe I kinda sorta might slightly like him more than just friends. It took a lot for me to admit it even to myself (obviously) after having denied it to everyone for so long (plus he was SO not my typical type… {ok ok he was white… but even still wasn’t my white-guy type}). I began to realize that the physical part wasn’t so important and that the fact that he was the best guy I knew and we got along so incredibly well wasn’t something I should overlook. I even confided in Bestie (girl) which was huge, because she was in a similar situation at the same time.

I realized that after all that time I had begun to think he was adorable in the little things he did, said, and thought. I knew exactly what he would do, say, or think in any given situation, and he knew me that way too. Sometimes I still miss the closeness of having that deep of a friendship.

I had about three weeks to revel in my newfound mindset of the possibility of liking him in that way. During this time, me, Bestie, him, his roommate, and another girl all went on a weird “date” of mini-golf.

At that three week mark, Best Friend started dating said girl.

I was completely and utterly devestated.

I cried everywhere. I cried basically every night, at school, at the gym, at the tanning salon (don’t worry, I have since beat tanorexia and have the wrinkles to prove it), at work, in my car, to Bestie, to my roommates, to my parents. You name it. I was a complete wreck for at least a full week, maybe two. Any song that felt remotely relative to the situation started the tears and heartache right over.

That week, the texts, the emails, the calls, the hanging out all stopped. It literally felt like he had died and not only had I lost the one guy I actually loved in the truest form, but even worse, my best friend as well. He was the one person I wanted to talk to, but my heartbreak was about him this time and he had no idea.

…to be continued…

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do
He’s the time taken up, but there’s never enough
And he’s all that I need to fall into

-Taylor Swift

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